Dr. Gottman observed another fundamental process that happy couples used regularly. Imagine that you say to your partner that you want to get away for a long weekend. You’d like to go to Chicago, get a nice hotel, eat some good food and just pamper yourself.

After all, you’ve been working hard and deserve a break and the pampering. Your partner is the one who manages the money for the family and is acutely aware that extra funds for such an adventure just aren’t available right now. Rather than just rejecting the idea out of hand and telling you how clueless you are, your partner listens as you share your need for a break and the hard work you have been doing.